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The Thickest Minger In Town
(Original song: The Oldest Swinger In Town by Fred Wetlock)
With her Bermondsey charm and her cockney cheek
She made it through to the final week
But we all still struggle with the words she speaks
Jade’s the thickest minger in town
She accused the housemates of a dirty plot
Then cried about the verucca she got
But we all just thought it was a beauty spot
Jade’s the thickest minger in town
What a show when she got all drunk
And then copped off for a bedtime bonk
And gave a BJ to a grateful PJ
Jade’s the thickest minger in town
She used cooking oil to improve her tan
Tried in vain to play ‘Follow The Van’
And ended up looking like the Michelin Man
Jade’s the thickest minger in town
She washed her hair and we heard her whinge
‘Cause the colour went from all blonde to ginge
Then lost her clothes and showed us her minge
Jade’s the thickest minger in town
Mrs. Malaprop is proud of her
She’s got a grip on her vernacular
Let’s hope she’ll piss off to East Angular
Jade’s the thickest minger in town
But the others there weren’t all that bright
Lyn liked to drink and she liked to fight
Hell, Johnny was pissing in the shower at night
And Kate’s sick's congealing on the ground
Lee tried his best to nob Sophe and Adele
Then Tim tried hard to nob Alex as well
But it all fell foul of old Spanky’s smell
As the rankest odour in town
But now it’s all over for another year
And all the housemates are out of here
So let’s take a moment and give a big cheer
To the thickest mingers in town
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