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If I Had An ASBO (Extended Version)
(Original song: If I Had A Hammer by Peter, Paul and Mary)
If I had an ASBO
I'd get it for graffiti
I'd spray it without warnin'
All over my street
I'd spell out minger
I'd give you the finger
I'd spread the word I knew your sister was a slapper
All over the street
(GRANDAD)
I got me an ASBO
I got it for feedin'
The pigeons wot are breedin'
All over me street
It’s wicked with their flappin'
Dive bombin' and crappin'
They crap on cars, it’s boss, it pisses off me neighbours
All – all the time
If I had an ASBO
I'd get it for chavness
I'd get it for Burberry
All over myself
I'd chav it in me tracksuit
I'd chav it wiv me bling bling
I'll chav up me bird, meself, me brothers and me sisters
All over the street
(NAN)
I got me an ASBO
I got it for me weedin'
Me wicked ganja seedlings
I garden in me thong
I’m no Charlie Dimmick
But they're supple and real fick
I like to roll me joints in between titties
All – all the time
(TODDLER)
I got me an ASBO
I'd got it for me drinkin'
I'd got it for me pukin'
All over me pram
I puked in dads Nova
When he got his leg over
Coz I love me booze, me crack, me vodka and me Stella
All – all the time
If I had an ASBO
I'd get it for in-breeding
I'd get it for porking
Me fit bitch Dawn
I'd do it with me aunty
I'd do it with me granny
I'd do it with me bird, Big Dave, me brothers and me sisters
All over the street
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